How To Avoid Killing Your Ex During The Divorce
Let's face it. Any divorce is going to be highly upsetting. After all, it is widely considered to be among the most stressful things one can experience. It's easy for that sadness to be coupled with the anger you likely feel at the collapse of your relationship and marriage. All of that together is a recipe for rage, but you have to try to keep your cool during the divorce process. Take these actions to avoid killing your ex or even wishing a mild sort of revenge on them.
Keep the Kids Out of It
No matter how furious you are in the aftermath of the divorce, don't bring the kids into any of the drama. Even if your ex baits you by telling the children negative things about you or tries to openly mock your parenting in the divorce, do not do the same in return. Redirect the negative energy into something positive. See a family law attorney if the ex keeps causing trouble and involving the kids, because that is never the right thing to do.
Let Go Again and Again
"The Letting Go" is the name of a beautiful Melissa Etheridge ballad about letting go of a love, but the reality of letting go doesn't appear in an epiphany or exist within a tune. It comes in stages, and you have to let go again and again. For example, you may let go of the physical connection to your soon-to-be former spouse. You may let go of talking to them on the phone. There will still be other layers of letting go. Don't wait for them to find you. Once you and your ex decide that there is no hope for the relationship and you both throw in the towel, try to be as proactive as possible in how you let go.
Give Yourself a While Before Dating
There are no established criteria of when dating is acceptable after the breakdown of a marriage. However, if you still have even a semi-cordial relationship with your ex, it's good to talk about how you both will handle dating again. If you have children, it's especially important for you both to be informed about each other's relationships. Ask your ex how long they'd prefer before you date. If they are being honest, they likely will ask that you take a short break from the dating scene and offer to do the same.
Finally, keep in mind that doing the right thing doesn't mean that you won't ever get angry. No matter how much therapy you get or how many court fights you win, the anger is still going to surface from time to time. Simply acknowledge that it is a feeling, and feelings come and go. Acknowledge it for what it was and move on. Resist all urges to get violent or otherwise get back at the person you once loved.
For more information and assistance through this stressful time, consider hiring an attorney, such as those at Grenadier, Starace, Duffett & Levi, P.C..